|
Home - Collaborative
projects - Articles
Why
is change so hard?
|
Whether you're a couch potato struggling to get outside
for a walk, a smoker who's been inhaling that last pack for
six months, or a nail-biter panicked because there's nothing
left to chew on, you're not alone.
|
"People don't like change," says Dr.
Richard Earle, PhD, managing director of the Canadian Institute
of Stress and the Hans Selye Foundation. Why? It turns out it
is human nature to resist change --even when we know that a change
would improve our lives. "Most of us prefer to go with the
flow," notes Dr. Earle.
Why
we often predict failure
Resistance to change has its roots deep in the
human psyche, thanks to a trait universal to everyone regardless
of their culture or ethnicity: a tendency towards pessimism. "In
every spoken language around the world," explains Dr. Earle,
"the ratio of pessimistic adjectives to positive adjectives
is three to one."
What this means, in essence, is that we are far better equipped
-- linguistically, psychologically and emotionally -- to focus
on what could possibly go wrong rather than what could go right.
The result? We lose motivation to change before we really even
get started.
What
inspires change?
Discomfort is our big motivator, and what usually
motivates a person to change is when they reach a point where
they can no longer avoid the discomfort their bad habit is causing
them.
"Most people kick start change only because they are in extreme
discomfort," says Dr. Earle, who always asks patients, "How
does it hurt? What pain or discomfort has caused you to want to
make this change?"
"People choose to make a change when they can no longer stand
it," confirms Jan Hill, PhD, a Toronto-based life skills
coach. "They tolerate and tolerate until the situation becomes
too uncomfortable. Then they have to take steps to make changes
in their lives."
The decision to change usually coincides with
a shift in core values-away from the belief that being heavily
invested in a career is important, for instance, towards an understanding
that it's vital to make time for one's friends and family.
The
'M' factor - motivation must come from within
Importantly, say the experts the motivation
to change has to come from within. No amount of nagging, bullying
or being reasoned with by others-your partner, your kids, your
boss-will be enough to successfully steer you towards a healthier
life. Support from others is a vital element, but you are the
only one who can make the ultimate decision to change.
"Deciding to make a change to please other
people can be problematic," notes Dr. Hill. This is because
changing for someone else can end up feeling unnatural or forced,
making it easy to revert to habitual behaviour during times of
stress. And since the process of change is stressful in and of
itself, temptation to fall back into old patterns can loom large
when you're overtired, hungry or lonely.
In the end, change comes down to motivation
or 'the M factor,' confirms Dr. Earle, who cites the example of
a 50-year-old man with rheumatoid arthritis who loved restoring
classic cars. Despite the fact that he was experiencing more pain
and stiffness with each passing day, he refused to stretch his
muscles. It was only after he discovered that stretching would
allow him to get back underneath the cars he loved so much that
he decided to sign up for yoga.
"Trying to motivate this man was completely
useless," admits Dr. Earle. "He only became motivated
when he saw that he would have a payback. Then he was able to
make a change and keep going."
A
structured approach to change can help
For many people, understanding the process of
change and having a structure to refer to is central to success.
One theory, called the Stages of Change Model (SCM) describes
what happens to the mind and body as we go through behavioural
change.
Each of the five stages requires grappling with
different issues and tasks. How fast a person can actually effect
change in their lives is highly individual, and only the person
making a change can decide whether or not it's time to move to
the next stage:
|
Stages
of Change Model
|
|
1. Pre-contemplation
You are in denial about problem behaviour and not
ready to think about making a change.
Example: You often overindulge
in wine at dinner but aren't concerned about the possible
consequences to your health.
|
|
2. Contemplation
You spend time thinking about your bad habit(s) and are becoming
more aware of the personal consequences.
Example: You're starting to wonder if your daily
chocolate bar is one of the reasons your waistbands have been
feeling tight.
|
|
3. Preparation/Determination
You make a commitment to change and begin to do research
to better understand what is needed to alter your behaviour.
Those who try to skip this stage often suffer relapses and
setbacks because they haven't properly laid the groundwork
for change.
Example: Your family has a history of Type 2 diabetes
and you've decided to look into
whether or not your sedentary lifestyle further increases
your risk.
|
|
4. Action/Willpower
You develop detailed plans to deal with both personal and
external pressures that can lead to relapse. In this stage
you are generally more amenable to accepting help and support,
an important element of sustaining change. Short-term rewards
can also be helpful in maintaining motivation.
Example: It's been four months since you quit smoking
and you've found that heading outside for a brisk walk around
the block really helps with cravings. Every week that goes
by, you buy yourself a small gift under $10 and put the rest
of the money you formerly spent on cigarettes into a vacation
account. You've always wanted to see Paris!
|
|
5. Maintenance
You are successful at avoiding temptations to return to your
old ways and have developed new skills to deal with life.
You have learned to avoid relapse by anticipating situations
and preparing coping strategies in advance.
Example: You've lost 15 pounds since you replaced
after-dinner TV viewing with yoga classes three nights a week.
And even though you're going back to that all-inclusive resort
with the big buffet meals for your vacation, this year you've
already signed up for morning aqua-fit classes and have made
a pact with your travel partner to do a three-kilometer beach
walk every afternoon.
|
| Source:
Cancer
Prevention Research Center- Transtheoretical Model |
Support
from others is critical
It's also important to recognize that when you
change, your relationship with others may also change, particularly
if they share your bad habit-such as drinking alcohol, smoking
or leading a sedentary life.
You may find that forming new friendships with
people you meet at a fitness club, for instance, makes it easier
to get into the swing of your new lifestyle. And relationships
that may have suffered in the past because of your behaviour-perhaps
your family often ate dinner without you while you burned the
midnight oil at work-may improve.
In the end, you'll recognize who supports your new lifestyle and
who doesn't.
Surrounding yourself with those who cheer on
your efforts will greatly increase your chances of success. After
all, what could be more rewarding than seeing smiles on your kids'
faces when you announce that you've left your briefcase at the
office and are taking them to a baseball game?
Other
tips to support change
Habits tend to "travel in packs,"
notes Jan Hill. To successfully escape, you need to break the
links between them. If you're quitting
smoking, for instance, and used to smoke a cigarette with
your coffee, you need to find a new behaviour to replace this
one, such as taking the time to go for a brief walk outside while
you sip your drink. Taking stock of the benefits you are experiencing,
and keeping track of your thoughts and feelings in a journal can
help you chart your progress, and being able to visualize future
success, whether it's sailing around the British Virgin Islands
or autographing your best-selling novel, will help you stick to
your new healthy lifestyle.
A
word about relapse: if at first you don't succeed...
First of all, a relapse is nothing to be ashamed
of. Making a major lifestyle change is difficult and most people
do slip at some point. The main thing is to not let a slip-perhaps
you smoked a cigarette or ate a whole bag of potato chips-convince
you that you're not going to be successful at making a permanent
change.
Instead, say experts, a relapse can provide
you with valuable information about the ways in which you are
still vulnerable to self-defeating behaviour. Learn what there
is to learn and then get right back into the change game. Chalk
it up to experience, get back on track and learn how to handle
these situations better in the future. If you keep trying, you
will succeed!
This article was originally
written for the Canadian Health Network by Kristin Jenkins.
Revised by Health Nexus, May 2008.
|
